I have been thinking about my place of employment lately, since I started working there in August. When I was hired there, I thought that God had done everything except pick me up and carry me to that place. I really felt that it was the place for me to grow, show my talents, learn, be fed, to stay, to give everything I could. I still feel that way just with a different perspective. After about two months of working there, I didn't think I could take it anymore. My "boss" (and i use that term very loosely, like parachute pants loose) was very un-there. He offered practically no guidance, leadership, or support. On many different occasions, he would tell one "member" something, then when they would get in trouble for following his directions, he would totally change his story. I even made up a name for the maneuver he does: I call it the Teflon. Whenever any kind of responsibility comes to him, He does the Teflon. What he does is spray himself with verbal teflon so that nothing is ever his responsibility. When people would come into counseling (this actually happened to me personally), he would call his wife without asking them if it's okay he invites a total stranger into the counseling session. I mean, HELLO! I came there to talk to the guy who does the counseling as a profession, not his wife! When I was hired, he promised me certain benefits, office furniture, and a pay that I never saw. On two different occasions, he has brought up VERY personal business of mine in front of other members without asking me. I don't mean like he brought up that I'm on a ice-cube only diet or that I am obsessed with Star Trek. I mean he brought up my sexual past and my criminal history. Yeah.... Oh, and he did all this while only being in the office a max of 10 hours a week. Well, anyway, back to the 2 month mark. I was so freaking stressed out about my work. I was crying everyday when I went home, almost everyday I would say to myself, "Today is the day I am going to stab/shoot/maim him." But, of course, I did none of those things. I prayed relentlessly. I also talked to the only other employee in the office who had already been there for 2 years (longer than boss). He would calm me down, make me see that it's just a job, the boss wont be there for very long (that's the kind of establishment it is), and that everything will be okay. I was still stressing over all the junk. Then one day, I just said to myself, "This isn't going to get any better soon. Either suck it up or do something." I quit speaking all the bad things. I was just perpetuating a cycle with all that. And I just decided that I was letting my JOB ruin my happiness so I was just going to not take it so serious. I gave the anger and resentment over to God and let Him heal my heart in that area. I can say that 3 months later that I am much more at peace with where I am at. There are still things that make me want to go postal, but I try my best to deal with them in the best way I can. I am committed to this job. I love it now. I love the people I work for (there's about 150 of them) and I care about them. I want to do anything I can to make things better, easier, more enjoyable for them. And you know, a lot of them love me back. I get flowers, gifts, and compliments galore from them. They make it so much worth it. Especially a chosen few! I have changed my whole life for this job alone. I moved my family from Abilene to Clyde into a house that said establishment owns because they needed revenue from it. (and it doesn't hurt that its right next to the church, and it is so freaking awesome!!!!). This is where I am at. This is where my children are going to school. God is taking care of my family and blessing us in ways that I never thought possible. Although, I would have to say that it would be great if He blessed me with a refrigerator that doesn't have it's own colony of mold growing on it. It's really kind of gross. I am going to put saran wrap all over it so we won't be contaminated when we open the fridge. But I am very grateful for it. It was only $100 and it came just in time for the house to be inspected and pass. So, anyway, I don't really know the point of this blog, other than to put my thoughts on paper, i mean on screen? I don't know, you get what I mean.
Much love! And peace out!