Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Top 3 Most Embarrassing Things I've Said

#1. I was a Sophmore in High School and taking Child Development as an elective. We were discussing reproduction and all that fun stuff. One day I asked my teacher, "Is sterility hereditary?" She said, "What?" I repeated the question and then realized how dumb that question was. I didn't talk very much in class after that.

#2. I was in college at the time. The instructor had asked us to give back one of our assignments because of some grading issues. Jokingly, I said, "You're such an indian-giver!" Little did I know that she was actually Cherokee and was deeply offended by the term "indian-giver." I wanted to die. I didn't talk very much in class after that either.

#3. I went to W.O.W. for the first time and still didn't know very many women. I was nervous and I was trying to act like I wasn't. There was a small crowd talking so I walked over. They were talking about baby names for one of the women who were pregnant. She said she was thinking of naming her baby Selah. I thought it was beautiful. I wanted to say something to be part of the conversation and since humor usually works, I said, "Oh! You should name her Salmonella." Ha ha ha...no. I wanted to smack myself.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Top 3 Most Embarrassing Moments

#1 Circa 1986

When I was in kindergarten or first grade, my sister and I would walk to and from school everyday. Now, why we were allowed to do that I have no idea. We were living in friggin' El Paso!! The place most famous for abducting females and never seeing them again. Let's all just believe that my mother knew God was watching over us.

Anyway, I digress. I was a particularly cool individual because I had recently acquired a red pleather jacket with tons of zippers. This was back when Michael Jackson still had a nose and pre-Pepsi hair fire. So, basically he was still cool. And so was I. Amanda and I were walking home after school one day when we came across some boys we knew from school. Amanda was a lot cooler than me (even though she didn't have said numerously numbered zippered jacket) and was chatting them up. Evidently, I felt like The Jacket and I weren't getting enough attention so I started practicing my Martial Art skills on the nearby mesquite tree. As I was karate chopping and round-house kicking away, they all stopped talking and stared at me. I thought it was because they were amazed at my skills. Finally, my sister tried to put me out of my misery and yelled at me to stop acting retarded. Very solemnly, I turned around to her, put my hands together in front of my chest in a prayer-like fold, bowed ever so slightly and said, "I am sorry Master. I forget the strength of my powers." Amanda rolled her eyes and stalked off; and the boys just turned around and walked off too. I was mentally chastising myself for letting other people see my "secret" powers.

#2 Circa 1992-Sixth Grade

Still living in El Paso but I had gotten over the whole "mystical powers" thing by 6th grade. I was onto bigger and better things. I had "developed" quickly that year. I had no idea what to do with these new growths. When summer rolled around, my mom took me shopping to get a new swimsuit. It was one of those swimsuits that were two pieces but connected to each other on the side. There were all the rage in '92 El Paso. And they had it at the dollar store. My mom wanted to make sure I got one that accommodated my new body so she got one that had a little extra room up top. I wore it the first time when we all went to the water park, Wet-n-Wild. Everything was going great. I was just a swimming. I started noticing that when I would try to play around other people, they would kinda look at me weird then swim off to another place. I just thought to myself, "I must be swimming really awesome because they don't know how to act." Seriously, that's what I was thinking. Then I heard someone yelling. I just ignored it. People were usually yelling or laughing really loud or whatever. Whoever was yelling kept it up so I finally looked around to see what was going on. At this time, I was sitting in the shallow end next to a girl who I was trying to not impress too much so she wouldn't swim off like everyone else. Well, I finally located the source of the yelling. And it ended up it was a girl in a line for a ride at least a half football field away. It was weird because it seemed like she was pointing at me too. And she was doing something weird with her swimsuit top and gesturing something about putting her boob in her top. I turned to look at the girl next to me and she was just staring at my chest. I looked down and fully realized the horror. I had been flashing everyone my 12-year-old boob for at least the last 30 minutes.

#3 Circa 1993-Seventh Grade

Evidently, El Paso just brought out the worst in me. In 7th Grade, we had a Dance every 6 weeks. They were tons of fun. I never had a date (evidently too cool for that) or anything but I loved it. At one particular Dance, I was feeling very bold. I didn't usually dance very much. I mostly stuck to the punch and cookie table or sat next to a wall and envied everyone dancing. But this one time, something just got into me where I REALLY wanted to dance. So I was out there giving it my all. I did this thing with my feet spread wide apart, hands on my knees, moving my head rapidly in circular motion and kind of doing a MC Hammer thing at the same time. During this whole debacle, I had several friends come up to me and gently tell me to calm down or to just stop. I totally thought they were joking so I revved up my efforts. About that time, a teacher came over to me. At first she had a hard time getting my attention what with my quasi-head banging move (no, it wasn't even Metallica playing. It was Bel Biv Devoe). After smacking her a few times with my hair, she finally just stopped my head with her hand. I looked up and she guided me back over to my usual spot. She explained to me that I was taking up a large portion of the dance floor because other kids were afraid to get close to me and she thought I should just take a breather for a few songs. She had great timing too. I was feeling a little dizzy by that time. Thank goodness camera-phones were not yet invented!!


I have come to realize that compromise has gotten me into more trouble than it's worth. I have compromised over the years on various things that I shouldn't have. Sex, relationships, school, haircuts, perms, more perms (don't even get me started!). I have just fully realized that in every area I compromised what I really wanted for something that was "easier." It was easier to just finally say "Okay" instead of "I'm waiting for my husband." It was easier to say "This is better than being alone" instead of actually standing up for myself. It was easier to make up excuses than to leave. It was easier to blame him instead of taking responsibility. It was easier to tell the hairdresser that it didn't look lopsided when I looked like Edward Scissorhands had gotten a hold of me.

I know that if I don't stop right now, I will be compromising my way into hell.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

What is the DEAL!!!

I love my children. I, of course, think they are the most beautiful beings created by God. I think they're laughs sound like angels getting wings. I could live off of their kisses and hugs. Kalista can sing like no one I've ever heard and Xander can dance like no one I've ever seen.

That said, they drive me crazy!

Why, Why, Why!! Why is it that the ONLY time they both voluntarily flush the toilet is when I am taking a shower?!? They could literally go days without flushing the darn thing, then the minute I try to take a nice shower they have to pee and flush the toilet. What is the deal with that? And why do they seem physically incapable of closing a door? Is there some kind of force field between their hands and the door knob I am not aware of? Why do they have to watch t.v. with the volume cranked up to hearing impaired level? Why am I the only one in the house that can hear the water faucet left on? And, can someone please explain to me why all the windows in my car seem to have a very focused gravitational pull to dirty hands?

I just don't understand.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Spiders in my Life

I have had two dreams in the last week about spiders. I think I know what it means after discussing it some with my sister.

First dream:

In my dream, I am walking through my house. In every room there are spiders. Big, fat spiders with huge intricate webs that span several feet. There are only one or two spiders in each room. I am trying to get to a place in my house with no spiders in it so I can sit down and relax. I opened the door to my room and I saw a big spider hanging over my bed. I didn't feel terrified, I felt more of an uneasy feeling.
I turned around and moved to walk down my hallway but there was a web spun wall to wall with a large spider in the middle of it. I stood there trying to think of how to get around it without it jumping on me. I wasn't deathly scared of it for some reason, I just didn't want it to touch me at all. I just didn't want to have anything to do with it. My dream ended with me trying to figure out how get past it.

Second Dream:

I am at my brother's house looking at this really sweet ride he had just gotten. It was a mustard yellow Ford Pinto that was pimped out. (is that prophetic? pintos making a comeback???) The car had suicide doors, crushed velvet interior, matching color dashboard and seat covers, and even some dubs. (for the uncool people, those are 20" rims) Anyway, the car isn't the point of the dream, it's just my favorite part. So, my brother had his new *sweet* ride parked in a carport that was conne
cted to a trailer that he lived in (he doesn't really live in a trailer...anymore). The carport was open in the front and back and had a wall on it opposite of where the trailer was. Kind of like this one but a wall where there isn't in the picture and minus this dumb car compared to the awesome Pinto.

Okay, so I was walking over to the driver side to get a closer look when I notice there are spiders all around me. Not hundreds, or even tens of them. Just two or three in a few strategic places where I couldn't get out. At the rear of the car was a very large spider web with a large spider sitting on it hidden underneath a little covering it had spun over itself. I knew that when I walked by it, it would jump out from its covering and attack me. I knew I definitely did not want to go that way. I started to go towards the front to try to get out that way but there was a spider hanging out there as well. Now, my back is against the wall of the carport behind and my brother is standing by the door to the trailer on the other side of the car. I was yelling to him to help me. He told me to quit being such a wuss and just walk by the spiders. But I seriously didn't want to. I wasn't scared of being hurt, I just didn't want them to touch me or jump on me. Also, they were the biggest darn spiders ever. I didn't know what to do. Either way I went, I would have to go by one of those ugly spiders. That dream ended with me standing there worrying about what to do and not being able to figure out how to handle the situation.

I am pretty sure I know what the "spiders" symbolize in my life. There are some things in my life right now that I am just not wanting to deal with. I am doing everything I can to not deal with them in fact. I don't know how to fix it so I am standing here wringing my hands saying, "Oh dear. Oh dear." like a little old lady.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

I Love a Rainy Night (you have to sing it)

Okay, I know that it isn't night but it is dark enough to be. As I was driving from the elementary school to work I saw the most beautiful clouds. They looked like mashed potatoes that someone had made into swirlies. I drove leisurly to the Post Office, then to Whataburger (totally addicted to their Honey Butter Chicken Buscuits), then back on to the office. Just as I was stepping up to the door, it started raining. God is so good!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Can't Talk

Can't talk. Burnt mouth horribly. Hot Coffee. Pretty sure scalded throat too. My coffee mug should come with a warning of how hot coffee could be.


I am not into Feng-Shui at all. I personally believe it's a bunch of bull-hockey. But I do believe that arranging an office in a certain way can improve efficiency, productivity, and general well-being in a person who is stuck under flourescent lighting all day.

My office decor looks like a catholic/country store garage sale threw up in it, then threw some papers, notebooks, christian supply magazines, binders over it all to try to clean up the mess, and then in the middle of it all gave up. My office is probably the most inefficient office ever. My office would be the poster-office for Before pictures in extreme makeover shows. My office would be the kid who never has matching socks, gum in hair, two-sizes too small clothes, finger up nose, and wears a Barney backpack in 5th grade. It really is a sad state. Another thing about my offic ethat irritates the heck out of me is the fact that everyone who comes in feels the innate need to leave whatever happens to be in their grubby little hands on my desk or very nearby. Do you know what this does to my need for organization??

All that to say that I have rearranged my office. It looks so beautiful now! Well, the weird religious pictures with glitter and country bunny stuff is still hanging up because evidently a cousin of a brother of a friend gave it to the church long ago which makes it sacred now. There were two desks sitting on opposite sides of the room that are now moved together to make an L-shape desk. My area is moved back farther from the entrance and closer to the wall so it is more well-defined. I moved the filing cabinets (i have four of them in here that are all different colors and sizes) to less conspicuous spots. It's a pretty sweet set up. If I can ever charge up the batteries, I'll take some pictures for everyone. Because I just know that everyone is dying to know what my office looks like. I probably should have taken some Before pictures of the whole mess. Maybe I can put everything back to the way it was... I don't think so!

Monday, October 08, 2007


Hope (or esperanza).

I have so much hope in me. Everyday I have a million hopes. Usually I am literally terrified of hoping because of the possibility of it never materializing. I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to hope for something and not be scared. I don't want to be a beaten down, eyes always downcast, hope barren woman anymore. I want to be a confident, assured, beaming glory of God's awesome power kind of woman. I want to be the kind of woman I always stare at and wish I could be. These are my hopes; silly, serious, and everything in between.

  1. I hope to be like Jesus
  2. I hope my children see Jesus in me
  3. I hope I feel Jesus' love everyday
  4. I hope to get a pedicure one day
  5. I hope to have another baby grow in my womb
  6. I hope to take pictures of flowers for no reason
  7. I hope to be used by God
  8. I hope to know I am beautifully made
  9. I hope my children will find a perfect love
  10. I hope to rip out the nasty carpet in my kitchen
  11. I hope to organize my desk at home
  12. I hope I get Satellite TV & DVR
  13. I hope I lose 80 lbs in one year
  14. I hope my children will remember me as a loving mother and not a screaming/hateful/mean mother
  15. I hope I have 50 more years with my mother
  16. I hope my father knows I have forgiven him
  17. I hope my heart isn't broken any more
  18. I hope God doesn't give up on me
  19. I hope Marcos finds God's love
  20. I hope my sister will see herself as I see her in all her godly beauty
  21. I hope I see Jesus
  22. I hope I see Jesus heal Miles
  23. I hope I get a "real" decor for my home
  24. I hope to walk towards a man God picked for me and vow the rest of my life to
  25. I hope I learn not to be disappointed in myself
  26. I hope I get an MP3 player for Christmas
  27. I hope someone invents fat/calorie free french fries in the next year
  28. I hope that Tom Cruise sees how silly he has been acting and follows Jesus so I can start watching his movies again
  29. I hope to understand the Bible more (or at all)
  30. I hope I don't have to do this alone very much longer
  31. I hope God puts a supernatural understanding of Science and Math in me before January
  32. I hope my body will be completely healed of any affliction
  33. I hope my mom never finds out about all the stuff I did in high school
  34. I hope the tree in my front yard does not fall on top of my house or car or KIDS
  35. I hope I don't have any late fines at the library
  36. I hope there are more good Christian movies
  37. I hope that Brad Pitt quits his silliness, leaves that old Angelina, and realizes I am his one true love...wait, I think that's bad to want to break up a family...darn it, never mind.
  38. I hope God shows enormous favor on all the children of the world who are in horrific situations (i don't mean like they don't have an xbox or even having to shop at walmart).

I have plenty more hopes. They've been stored up for a while. I don't want to leave here just hoping; I want to leave knowing. I know I am a confident, assured, beaming glory of God's awesome power kind of woman. I know I am the kind of woman I always stare at and wish I could be. I KNOW I am God's beautiful creation.

What do you esperanza for?

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Other New Stuff

I added some new links. A few of them are for other churches. There's one for the biography of Smith Wigglesworth. Bill Johnson talked about him in one of his sermons and I wanted to know more about him so this is what I have found. There's more out there. I highly recommend reading about this guy.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

New Life

I am making a change. I am making a new life. I am changing my whole way of thinking. I will eat to live, not live to eat. Food will no longer be the love of my life.

A friend told me about this really awesome website FitDay that has everything anyone could ever need or want to help when making changes like this. Even if you don't want to lose weight, it's a pretty cool website since it can track everything that a body does, calories wise I mean.

There's a link to the right down there (i'm pointing to it, can you see it?) to my "Diet" Track Record. It's really neat.

Anyway, the reason I am telling you all this is partly because of accountability (i will be a LOT less likely to wolf down a Big Mac Large Fries when I know other people are going to be looking at it) and also because this is my blog which is all about me! :)