Sunday, August 27, 2006

How Great is Our God

Today after church my car broke down (amazingly i knew just what happened: something under the hood wasn't working like it's supposed to. i know, i is amazing how i know these things) and not even 3 minutes and 45 seconds later, a man pulled into the parking lot with a huge sign on his car that said "Mechanic for Christ" He fixed my car right there in the Allsup's parking lot for F R E E!!!!!!! God is good, people!

Update on an answered prayer: Xander did end up getting Mrs. Turner (Kalista's Pre-K teacher)

I posted a comment on another person's blog (i have no idea who this person is except i think it is a male and lives in abilene, and apparently is as poor as i am) concerning the "deserts" people were going through. Usually I don't really respond to other people's blogs, but this one just called out to me. I left a huge comment about my desert and I didn't really think anyone would actually read it. But people did. They also commented on it. They gave me such encouragement. It was something that God sent to me.

If you ever get a chance to download or listen to The Way by Telecast, I highly recommend it. It makes me want to just serve Him. I love you Lord.

Monday, August 14, 2006

First Day of School

Tomorrow is the first day of school for Kalista and Xander. Kalista is NOT excited about this. For some reason, she got it in her head that she could only go to school if she was 6. I don't know where that came from...seriously. Well, she turns 6 on Sept. 12, which about a month away and she is not feeling the whole starting-school-before-her-birthday thing. To tell the truth, I am not that excited either. This means that I am going to have to get up even earlier and try to fight the crazy morning school rush traffic and then speed off to get on the highway to try to get to work on time in Clyde. Plus, I haven't been able to afford to buy her or Xander any school supplies or school clothes. Yuck...I absolutely hate that. I feel like I am living my stupid childhood all over again through my children. I love having a job, but I don't get to spend harly any time with my babies. Because I got so behind on some of my bills, all my paycheck is going to pay for those instead of school things. Although, on a good note, we got to meet Kalista's teacher today. She is so tiny! When I walked in, I thought she was one of the kids from another grade. If you can actually believe this, but I am taller than her! Whoa! I guess that is reason enough to love her! Tomorrow will be when I get to meet Xander's new teacher. I am praying that he gets Mrs. Turner (Kalista's Pre-K teacher). She already knows Xander and his "problems." I will enjoy Cinnamon Roll Fridays again though. Although, I probably wont be able to eat with them like I used to...(enter look of utter sadness here)

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Broken Hearts Suck!

Today my daughter broke my heart for the first time, and probably not the last. I thought that she wouldn't hurt me like this until she was at least in her teens, but oh no, not my baby. She is evidently an overachiever. Today we went to Golden Corral (love that place) after Church. Everything was going just fine, nothing to forewarn me of the hurtfulness that Kalista was about to spill forth. So she says, "Momma, I wish you were skinny like everybody else so you could be normal." I asked her to say it again because I thought for sure my first born would never say anything like that to me. But she did. I could physically feel myself breaking inside. Look, I am not in denial about my size or my appearance. Believe me, I know what I look like. Every single day I have to look at myself in the mirror. Every single day I have to see the looks from other people, and the non-looks from other guys. I know that I'm a "large" woman. I know this. But to hear my daughter say something like's heart breaking. I was hoping that she would see me through some sort of unconditional-love-goggles or something. I really wanted to be beautiful for her; an example of what beauty is, inside and out. What can I tell her?

I have been talking occasionally to this guy for the past year or so, just as friends. A few weeks ago we started talking more and more and then he invited me over to his house and I went, and it was kinda awkward but it was okay. We didn't do anything, not even hold hands. After that we still kept talking just as much, and I was dropping "subtle" hints that I liked him as more than a friend. I thought he felt the same way. But then he said that he didnt want to date anyone, he went through a divorce about 2 years ago and he is still hurt. I am pretty sure that this is a "It's not you, it's me" sort of thing. I'm cool with that, you know? I'm not necessarily hurt by him specifically not wanting to date me. I kinda knew he wouldn't date somebody like me anyway. He's white, and not whitetrash. The thing that just sucks about it is that he's like the 3rd guy to reject me in the last 2 months. Kinda says something about me doesn't it?
A guy I used to date once told me that I would sleep with anyone that showed me any kind of attention. I think he was wrong. I have to be rejected first.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

I just want to see if I can do this right.