Tuesday, February 13, 2007

I See Dead People...Not Really, I See GOD!

Allright people. I am so PUMPED! I have been so close to God for the past week, well since Wednesday when He healed me. I have been seeing His visions and hearing him speak to my heart. Yay Jesus!

Anyway, let me continue. On Sunday when the song that talks about drinking from His cup and sitting at His feet, and feeling His heartbeat I heard God talk to me. Whenever I heard that song before, I would get a great sadness in my heart because I wanted that with my husband. I felt like the song spoke what a wife does with a husband. But on Sunday, when I was worshiping and singing that song I heard God tell me over and over I AM YOUR HUSBAND. I AM YOUR HUSBAND. I AM YOUR HUSBAND. He was stressing to me that HE was my husband. He loved me more than any man ever could. He wanted me to sit at his feet, He wanted me to lean on Him for support, He wanted to feel my heartbeat while I felt His. He wanted me as His wife. He wanted me to know what it felt like to know that He had chosen me to be His bride over any other. At WOW, we sang that song again. I heard God once again but He also gave me a vision this time. A lot of times when I am at home, I get really lonely. I feel like I am isolated and alone. In my vision I saw myself sitting on the couch watching T.V. as usual but beside me was Jesus. He was sitting where my husband would. I saw myself in the kitchen cooking (yes, it does happen without fires people) and he was in there talking to me like a husband would. I saw myself doing the laundry and there He was again. He showed me in my vision that He is just like a husband to me no matter what I am doing and no matter how alone I feel. I started weeping when I was singing because I finally got it. I got just how much Jesus loves me. I finally felt Him loving me so much it hurt. I feel His presence now. I feel Him! My true husband who will NEVER abandon me or be embarrassed of me.


I have been wanting to blog about this particular subject for awhile. I was getting ready to the other night but could not remember what I was supposed to be blogging about for the life of me. I actually sat down in front of my computer and was about to start typing when my mind went blank. The only thing that I could think of when I was trying to remember what I wanted to blog about was the number 67. When I saw it in my mind's eye, it wasn't in the numerical form but written out like: sixty-seven. Totally weird. That's all I could think of when I would try to remember. Anytime my mind started thinking about the blog and the subject I was going to talk about, that number would come up instead. I have no idea what it means. The next morning when I woke up, I finally remembered but I could still see/feel that number in the underneath the thing I was thinking about. Totally weird. Like it was a name or something. Anyway, let me just let y'all know what I wanted to blog about in the beginning.

Okay, this may seem really weird to some people and kind of gross to others. But Pam said that more people would actually get it than I think. About 4 1/2 months ago I was thinking about wanting a husband (again) and about how I heard about other people doing things for their spouses before they even met them. Like keeping their virginity, writing love letters, praying for them, etc. Well, the whole virginity thing was out the window (yes, Pam, I know God can "restore" that stuff but it's still not the same as me willingly waiting) and I do pray for my future husband. Well, anyway, I was thinking about all this and I was trying to think of a way that I could prove MY dedication to him. And I came up with something...The last time I shaved my legs was the day of the WOW Christmas Party which I believe was right after Thanksgiving. My reasoning is this: If I don't shave my legs, I cannot be naked with a man thus proving my loyalty to my future husband (FH from now on). And if there is a guy out there who doesn't mind bushy legs, I'm not sure I really want to be with him anyway. This is a sacrifice I am making for my FH. My legs feel uncomfortable, itchy, and really weird when I have worn socks all day. This is to show FH that even though I didn't do "other" things to show my dedication to him, I am doing this. And in the summer, I won't be able to wear shorts or skirts which is another sacrifice for him. I don't know if I am explaining this all the right way. You can ask me about it if you have questions or whatever. I don't mind. It's kind of like fasting with a razor. Another thing I was thinking about is that a way I could know if a man is the FH God means for me is if he gets what I am doing and doesn't think it's stupid or whacked. He will understand my intent and the love that is behind it.

Forced into this

Was anyone else FORCED to move your blogs to the new blogger? It said Would you like to move your blog to the new blogger? and then not give a choice to say no. Bunch of bullies.

Friday, February 09, 2007


Here a few cute little sayings that Xander says.

  • You Got a Kid On Me! (you gotta be kidding me!)
  • You Pizza Me, Bodyworks? (you wanna piece of me, fireworks.)(I don't know why he says fireworks though. maybe it adds extra "umph" to him)
  • Told to Erica at Kari's babyshower: Hey! Great Potty! (Hey! Great Party!)
  • You Rahtee Me! (I would like to challenge you to a Karate match)

I love it!

So MANY Blessings!

Okay, guys, prepared to see how wonderful God is! I have received so many wonderful blessings this week! So many blessings that I'm dropping them because I can't carry them all! Oh my gosh, I am so excited about everything God is doing for me and to me. I had prayed last Sunday night for God to show me that He loves, that He remembers I am alive, that I haven't been forgotten about. Oh, He did that and so much more! Well, okay, let me quit rambling and just tell y'all what the dealio is.

First Blessing! :)!!

Boss came into the office Monday morning way earlier than usual, like before lunch. He asked me to come into his office to have a "talk" with him. I was so like, "Uh-oh" He first asked me if I was doing okay (a lot of people have been asking me that lately. mostly because they could see my mood wasn't what it usually was) and I told him Yeah, of course. He then started telling me that he was sorry for not being in the office as much as he should have been, that he wanted to know any way that he could help me do my job and work. How fantastic is that?? I had prayed for so long that God would help me in this situation and He did! Hi-Five God!

Second Blessing!

I was notified by mail that I have nominated by my instructors at TSTC to be added to the list in the American Junior College's Book of Who's Who. That is so neat and validating! Yay me! Almost makes my ridiculous amount of student loans worth it.

Third Blessing!

I have told a few people about the depression I have been going through lately. I have suffered from depression since I was about 11. I was 12 when I first tried to kill myself. My Mom put me on antidepressants when I was a Junior in High School because of a really close call with suicide. I think there was a lot of environmental and genetic problems that contributed to my depression. Anyway, I think you get the idea of how long this disease has plagued me. Last week, it was hitting me hard again. I would fantasize about the ways I could end my life. I just felt like everything I had ever done or would do would just end up crap. So, like, my great friend Pam suggested I make a Theophostic appointment at the church. So, I did. That day, Wednesday, I prayed all day for God to let me open to Him, for Him to show me how to let the Holy Spirit work and not let there be any resistance in me. I kept seeing a vision in my mind's eye of me ripping open my chest to let everything that God had for me into my heart, that's how open I wanted to be for Him. I wanted to do anything I could get relief from the heaviness. I showed up to the appointment with Brenda and Pam and we got to doing our thing. I was really unsure I was doing it right. When they asked me questions, I just answered whatever came to my mind first (hint: Holy Spirit). So, guess what?? I have been delivered of my depression!! I am not even taking my medicine! I did that day when I got home but it gave me a headache and made me feel sick. Like it would to someone who is taking it but not needing it!! The Holy Spirit also helped me be free of my hurt and anger from Marcos. Seriously guys, do you know how much that helps me? I still love Marcos, but it's not a hurt-love. It's a love that is pure and not full of resentment, bitterness, and hate. Funny how love can be mixed with those emotions. So good, so good! Hallelujah! I have been healed by the Holy Spirit!

Fourth Blessing!

I have been having a bit of a financial struggle since I moved into my new house here in Clyde. My rent increased like by a 1000% In Abilene, I only paid $4 a month for rent and here I have been paying $305. Huge increase along with increase in electricity and added water bill (didn't have to pay water in abilene). I also just began paying the DPS to get my driver's license reinstated. So all these things at once with no real increase in pay has been a bit stressful. Today I got a call from my HUD (they help me pay my rent) caseworker. She told me when I was recertified and she had input my income amount, the calculations were wrong. It turns out that I should not be paying $305 a month, but $141 a month!!!!! This is SOOOO good! This frees up so much more money I will be able to put towards other bills. Pam, can I get a witness??

Fifth Blessing!

When I moved out of my apartment in Abilene, I broke my lease. I was allowed to do so if I were to pay a reletting fee of $497. When I told my job, people got together and all picthed in to pay it for me, out of their own pockets! Amazing! That in itself is a blessing. Today in the mail I received an invoice from the apartment place telling me what all I owed. Well, because I left my apartment in such good condition (a first for me) that applied my deposit of $200 towards the reletting fee, so now all I owe is $297! Some people at the church will now get their money back. So awesome!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Migraines Suck

So, like, I have a huge migraine. It's a peircing pain of agony in my left temple. It's hurting so bad my left eye keeps twitching and trying to close up. Lord, please here my cry and make it stop!

Saturday, February 03, 2007

You Think You Know Me

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. McDonalds
2. Allsups
3. Gill's Fried Chicken
4. First United Methodist Church

Movies I would watch over and over:
5. The Others
6. Robots
7. X-Men triology
8. Underworld I & II

Four places you have lived:
9. El Paso, TX
10. Alpine, TX
11. Sweetwater, TX
12. Abilene, TX

Four places you have been on vacation:
13. Disneyland
14. Sea World, San Antonio
15. Waxahachie, TX
16. South Padre Island, TX

Four of my favorite foods are:
17. Little Pit's Chicken Enchiladas
18. Amanda's Chicken & Dumplings
19. Johnny Carino's Italian Chicken Nachos
20. Erica's chicken stuff she makes
(notice how none of these foods are my own makings, read earlier blog for reference)

Four places I would rather be right now:
21. In bed
22. Heaven
23. church
24. hanging out with friends

Four friends I think will respond:
25. Pamellotta
26. Prosserocity
27. Brenda Marie
28. Frantastic

Copy and paste on your own blog. Delete my answers and insert your own. Have fun!