Tuesday, April 24, 2007


Kalista said something really funny last night at the grocery store. I was getting a jug of milk and she was messing with the creamer stuff in the door next to me when a guy in the vault yelled "Hey!" at her. She screamed really loud and then said, "That guy scared the Jesus out of me!"

I love that.

I told her that it was supposed to be BE-jeezERS. She just looked at me weird.

My Chemical Romance

Okay, I don't listen to secular music very much anymore but there is one song I seriously love. It's kind of old but majorly awesome. It has the best drum beat ever and the intro RAWKS!

It's called "You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us in Prison" by My Chemical Romance.

Y'all should totally check it out. There is no cussing at all. Just some good rockin' out music!

Woo-Hoo!! (imagine me pumping my fist in the air)

BFW, Apples, & Driver’s Licenses

I gave my practice speech for the BFW last Saturday. I was super nervous before and I was really think that it was horrible the next day when I was thinking back over it. But it turned out that everyone else thought it was actually good. It’s weird to say this, but I felt like I had gotten something lifted off of me while I was talking up there. I had been having a big problem with my faith since I was assigned this talk and while I was working on it. But while I was up there in front of everyone reading the words I barely remembered writing, I just started remembered that old feeling of knowing I am not alone and I know God is real. I began to fall in love all over again. I definitely say that the enemy had been winning a lot of battles in my heart but God won the whole darn war! I just pray that my experience touches at least one woman at the BFW. I also pray that Amanda wont be afraid of being vulnerable. I’ll just be praying for her.

At work, I have been going through some major growth. I think it’s sort of a side effect of my victory in my faith. I am constantly comparing myself to other people who do the same kind of work I do. I would get severely disappointed in myself when I would make a mistake. I would think to myself, “So & So would never do anything like this.” or something along those lines in all other areas in my life. What I am beginning to just realize is that each and every one of those people had to go through many steps to arrive where they are at. They didn’t just pop up one day and are an expert in what they do. Why was it so hard for me to understand that? It seems so simple my kids could get it. I think it’s all about my pride and stubbornness. Pride is so dumb! It gets me into more trouble than almost any other emotion. When I have a problem or don’t understand something, I don’t want to ask for help because I am so afraid to look dumb when I end up doing just that. It’s a big vicious circle people. I wish I could just slap myself around sometimes. Randy (Brandi’s husband) told me an analogy one time that makes a lot of sense: When an apple is growing, it goes through many stages until it is ready to be picked. If it is picked when it is still young, it will taste too sour but that is the way it is supposed to taste at that time because it hasn’t fully matured. I don’t know if that actually made any sense to anyone else… Randy said it a lot better than I did so just ask him to retell it for you. That probably would be easier and less confusing for everyone.

Last week, I had the morning off so I could get some errands done in Abilene. So while I was there I decided to finally update my driver’s license with my new address since I have been living in Clyde for 5 months already. Big mistake! I didn’t have any makeup on and my hair was jacked up from driving around town with the windows rolled down. So in my picture I look like a crack addict with a mullet who is in County Jail (I’m wearing an orange shirt). I have been thinking of when I will have to use my driver’s license; it will be very embarrassing! I think I am gong to have to “lose” this one and take some time off of work to get my hair done, hit the glamour shots at the Mall then immediately go to the DPS office. I am being serious, this is my worst picture yet. My last one was fantastic! I wish I could have just kept that old picture. I wonder if I could just old-school like cut-n-paste it… Is that against the law?

Hhmmmmmm, things to ponder: Possible jail time or better Driver’s License picture? I’ll let everyone know what I decide next time. Maybe I will work up enough nerve to post that picture up here too.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Grace Given

I recieved something from God the other day. He is always so En Pointe it's a little bit scary. It's like He can read my mind or something...

Anyway. I have been building up a lot of bad feelings and anger for the last few weeks and I couldn't really figure out why. The situation I was in hadn't really changed, but I just seemed to be dwelling only on the negative things in life. I have been thinking just about stuff that people have done to me that wasn't fair and pretty much just being a big baby about everything. So I was praying about it and asking God to give me a little more grace in this area until I could finally get it all figured out. That's when He whispered in my ear. Here I was wanting some grace while I was not willing to give any to others. I began to see that Grace and Forgiveness go hand-in-hand. God has totally given me TONS of grace even though I certainly do not deserve it and He forgave me. I am made in His image so....

Well, I can't say that I have totally forgiven everyone yet, but I am on my way. It hurts me more than it does "them" (the people I am not forgiving) because I am the one who is picking at my wounds while they have gone on to live their lives. The weird thing about all this is that now that I am letting go, I am finally realizing that I didn't really want what I thought was stolen from me in the beginning.

Totally different subject: I have been having a really hard time with Kalista lately. I definitely need some prayer for stronger maternal instincts instead of I-want-to-strangle-her instincts. Sometimes I think "What in the heck is wrong with her? Why can't she just be normal?" Then I think about how I was when I was about her age, and it ends up my mom's wish came true. Oh, cruel irony!! I have been actively blocking the thought of teenage years. If I think about it too much, I may not make it.

I sure wish I could blog about something more profound...

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

No Sense

So I handed in my "talk" for the BFW today... I am super nervous about what the "readers" will think and if it made any sense at all anyway. Hopefully, I wont be asked to step down as the first speech giver for the weekend.

I will be leaving Friday night at about 6 because Kalista will be graduating from Kindergarten at 7. but i will return as soon as that is finished. Why do they have Kindergarten Graduations? I don't remember graduating from Kindergarten, does anyone else? It seems kinda weird to me. She had a graduation for Pre-K too. Are they going to be doing this for every grade now? That's just like giving a trophy to all the teams in little league even the ones who really sucked. Anyway, that's enough of my ramblings. Please pray that I will be understanding and accepting of any "critiques" that come my way.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

I'm Sorry!!!

Okay, I am not here to give a full blog (although I do have a lot in me right now that I would like to post about, it's just not the time). I am here just to kind of explain why I have not been blogging. Well, first because ever since I switched over to the new blogger, I cannot log in through my computer at work. I have no idea why, I have tried contacting blogger help and they are pretty much nonexistent. So I was just trying to remember to blog before I go to sleep or on the weekends. Then I felt that God had put it on my heart to give my computer (my REALLY nice beautiful full-of-awesome-music-and-movies computer) to my brother. I don't feel bad or regretful for doing that because it really has opened doors to my brother, who is not a believer currently, and showed him how selfless God's love really is. So, anyway, I don't have a computer at home and my work computer doesn't work very well so I am stuck like chuck without a tool to blog. Right now I am on my co-worker's (i use that term VERY loosely here) computer to post this.

So, guys, I am sorry that you are missing out on my awesome and cool stories. I am trying to work out a plan now to use this computer or something. I don't know. Anyway, lots o' blessings to y'all!