Monday, November 27, 2006

How long does this last?

Has anyone else had a super surreal moment in life? I did today.

Kalista has had a raging bout of lice. Every time I get rid of it, she comes back from school infested all over again. Anyway, that's just the background story to this sordid tale. So, Amanda and I were in the bathtub with Kalista (all of us were dressed! geez, get your hand away from the phone to call CPS people!!). Anyway, before I was rudely interrupted. We were putting olive oil in her hair to suffocate the lice and nits and I was asking Kalista about her school and class and such. I was trying to get her mind off bending uncomfortably over the bathtub while putting this smelly stuff in her hair. So we were conversating nicely about this. And then she says, "Momma! You know daddy's girlfriend? Her daughter's name is Sarah, and she is the new girl in my class at Taylor Elementary (yes, she says Taylor Elementary every time she talks about her school)." She kept talking about it but I zoned out. What is the reasoning behind this? Why of all the freaking schools in Abilene, and kindergarten classes in Taylor Elementary, did she have to be placed in my daughter's? I'm not sure why this hurt me so much. I know that he isn't doing this to me on purpose. It made me feel like he is not only replacing me but replacing our daughter now. I went to another room to be by myself after a few minutes. I started praying immediately to God to help me understand the meaning of this. To help me understand why God is putting these things into play. To help me not be filled with murderous rage. Is it possible to forget someone who you shared a bed with for almost 7 years? who you have two beautiful children with? who knew the way i liked my towels folded? who knew my system to hanging clothes in the closet? i just want to know Lord, when does this end? How long does this last?

3 comments:

Bloomin' Cactus said...

You are an overcomer. You are worthy of a man who is more than this guy. I know he's the father of your children, but God has a plan for you to be with someone who LOVES you -- who really, really, really LOVES you -- and just for being you. I believe that God IS going to heal your broken heart and I believe that sometimes it hurts to take your hand off that wound and REALLY let the Father clean it out and heal it. But, in the end, you come out as the WHOLE person that He created you to be. You ARE worthy!!

I love you and your kiddos!!
Miss Rachel

Angela said...

I hate to tell you this, and I've never been through what you have, I pray I never will, but I imagine that it lasts a lifetime. My sister just lost her first baby the day he was to be born. How do you recover from this traumatic life circumstances? I don't think you ever "recover", you are changed forever, but maybe you can be changed into someone better... someone who depends on God even more, someone who knows pain and comes out stronger, someone who can look into the face of adversity and still love, and forgive and hope and know that you are not alone. I wish for you these eternal riches and that you'll be able to live in it today, when it hurts so much still and there are no real answers.

Angela said...

I hate to tell you this, and I've never been through what you have, I pray I never will, but I imagine that it lasts a lifetime. My sister just lost her first baby the day he was to be born. How do you recover from this traumatic life circumstances? I don't think you ever "recover", you are changed forever, but maybe you can be changed into someone better... someone who depends on God even more, someone who knows pain and comes out stronger, someone who can look into the face of adversity and still love, and forgive and hope and know that you are not alone. I wish for you these eternal riches and that you'll be able to live in it today, when it hurts so much still and there are no real answers.