Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Month of Anniversaries

August is a month of anniversaries for me. One sad, one weird, and one good.

The sad one is the anniversary of my father's death. He died eight years ago about 5 weeks before I was supposed to be married to a huge jerk. (obviously that whole thing didn't happen). I am still unclear of the exact causes of death. I found out he was sick at the same I found out he was dying. My father and I were never particularly close; he was more close with my brother and my sister. I think I scared him a little being so rebellious and wild. He didn't know how to talk to me. I remember he tried to talk to me one time about my boyfriend. He said, "You don't want to end up in the same situation as your sister." At the time, I was thinking "What? End up with a beautiful daughter and my own apartment?" (that was pretty much the extent of my goals back then) His death affected more than his life did. Weird how that works.

The weird one is the anniversary for my mom's latest marriage. Which, I have to say, is her longest one yet. The weird part is that my mom has a wife. Yes, that's right my Mother is an official lesbian. No, it's not sexy like the movies portray. She came out in '99, shortly after my father's death in fact. Although, I kinda had feeling about her "orientation" for a while. I would say I started suspecting when I accidentally played a certain videotape.... At first, I thought it was a phase or something. But 8 years and one Commitment Ceremony later, I am starting to think this is going to stick. My mom's wife is the best 'partner' so far. The men my mom dated then married were jerks. They were unemployed jerks. They were unhygenic unemployed jerks. But my step-mom (sm) now takes care of my mother. Not only does she take care of her, she spoils my mother. SM owns her own business, has her own vehicle, and seriously loves my mom. My mom can be very difficult at times and, when upset, can say or do hurtful things. So the number one question is how does this line up with my faith??? I have no idea. I am still trying to figure how I feel about it. I mean, I can say I think homosexuality is wrong and God is going to smite all gays. But, I mean, c'mon. It's my mom. She birthed me! How can I tell the woman who gave me life that she's an abomination? My mom and SM aren't weird or abnormal. They love, argue, care, disagree just like any other married couple, they just happen to be of the same sex. So, there's that anniversary.

The good anniversary is the One Year Anniversary of me working at the Church!!! Yay me! I actually made it! The job has helped me grow in so many ways. In maturity, faith, knowledge, skills, confidence, (bank account), and love. I have learned not to give up. This is the first time I stayed when things got hard. My prior M.O. is to just run away and hide from my problems. Just to say, they always came back.


Agent B said...

I think that is the most loving thing I ever heard a christian say about homosexuals.

And yes, it's your mom. And who's going to bash their mom anyway?

But still. That was a great thing to say.

And thankfully, it's not our job to figure out who is right or wrong or who's going to hell, etc. Just love people.

Keep it up.

ericaprosser said...

J- I love you and your sister and your moms! For some time I have been in a semi-permanent state of wonderment over the amount of contradictions one person can have, all swimming around inside of them all at one time. It's wonderful and miserable and amazing and painful. I agree with B- we don't have to sort it all out. Just love like Jesus loves.

Amanda said...

Wow! I didn't know this month makes 8 years since Papa died. That's crazy. And what the heck did he mean "You don't want to end up like your sister?" It's not like I was out robbing or killing people in my spare time. What the heck man? Anyways, I like the way you talked about Mom and Symantha. Although you could have mentioned that Symantha treats us kids better than any of Mom's ex-husbands! And I'm proud of you for sticking with it. I know it was hard sometimes, but in the end it'll all be worth it!

JesusFreak said...

Amanda, you are right. I really should have mentioned how much SM really does love us. I mean, she pays for each and every one of our vacations. And she does let us "borrow" money all the time.

Ashlee said...

First off, Congrats on your anniversary at the church!! I remember when you were hoping for that job...and now a year has passed already...amazing!

In regards to your Dad...I'm sorry. My sister died a little more then 8 years ago...and it's still hard. I think sometimes you lose people and it never really loses its sting...even when are healed.

My best friend from jr high/high school became a lesbian after we graduated high school. Looking back I guess there were maybe some "signs" and I could probably psycho analyze what I think "made" her that way but it really wouldn't be useful. Kevin and I have always maintained our relationship with her and I'm so thankful to still have her as a friend.

I think it's absolutely ridiculous how homosexuality is treated like the "ultimate" sin. For my friend, I think a lot more about her needing Jesus then I do how much I wish she wasn't a lesbian... I think sometimes they feel so shunned by the church that there is no opportunity for the Holy Spirit to bring healing and restoration to people dealing with these issues.

High in Demand said...

I'm really proud of you for sticking it out with the church. It's a huge deal when your stick it out even when you don't like it and your M.O is to run. That's the way it was for me with Kingdom Advance (before your time)It felt so good to finish something that was hard even when I had good excuses to quit. I'm very proud of you! I been blessed to watch you grow up!

As far as your Moms go...all we need is Love.

Talitha koum said...

I think it's absolutely ridiculous how homosexuality is treated like the "ultimate" sin. For my friend, I think a lot more about her needing Jesus then I do how much I wish she wasn't a lesbian... I think sometimes they feel so shunned by the church that there is no opportunity for the Holy Spirit to bring healing and restoration to people dealing with these issues.

Amen- Ditto- you hit the nail on the head, Ashlee

I think you have grown deeper and yet more transparent than most people in the church do in years of maturing. You have a gift- and you are a gift to us.

Cherryberry said...

I love you and your moms, too.
of course I knew Symantha before I knew you. Crazy how that works sometimes.
Just because we may not agree with some peoples lifestyles does not mean we should shun them.
I have a few friends that are homosexual and they all need love and Jesus as much as anyone else.
...for it isn't the well who need a doctor...
You are so loving I wish I could be more of blessing to others like you are to us.

God's Warrior Bride said...

WOW - what else could be added. Congrats on your 1 yr at the Church-I know how tough it has been, but it sure has been nice hearing from you so often. As for your dad passing-I am sorry that it wasn't a good relationship but time will heal all wounds. I am blessed that you chose to share your moms relationship with me. And all I have to say is you should love both of them no matter what. Just because we don't like the sin, we should always love the person.