Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Mini Update

Everything got figured out with the whole finance debacle. Thank goodness.

I lost my keys to the church (again) and found them (again).

I'm getting married this Friday (yikes!).

I had the most awesome Bridal Shower EVER!!! Thanks to Amanda and Wendy (and hostesses). Y'all rock!

This past Sunday's worship was phenomenal. Seriously. I cried and ruined my makeup. They weren't tears of joy or sadness. I cried because I was just overwhelmed by God's presence and goodness. I felt so in-tuned with Him during worship. During the first song I started praying for God to shape me, to mold me, into the kind of wife He wants me to be. I want to be the kind of wife that is biblical, not worldly. When they were singing "Fire Fall Down" I prayed for God's fire to fall down on my life and my spirit. For His fire to burn away everything that is rotten, ugly, dysfunctional, selfish and just not of Him; and that the only thing that remains is the stuff that makes a Godly woman, wife, and mother. I prayed for my actions, thoughts, emotions, words, life at home and work to line up with God's heart. And as if God spoke to me personally through worship, they began singing "Where you go, I go. What you say, I say. What you pray, I pray." With that song, a whole new fresh batch of tears started flowing. It has been so long that I felt God so evidently and so tangibly.

I don't know if anyone has worried about their own marriage as much as I have about my own. Maybe I've been worried too much, or maybe it's completely normal. I don't know. All I know is that for the last several weeks I have been worrying myself sick about my marriage. I didn't know if it was the right thing, if it would last, if I was making a mistake, if we would love each other forever, if I could be faithful, if I could be the kind of wife I wanted to be, if Tony could take care of us, if Tony would decide one day that he made a mistake, if Godzilla came and terrorized Clyde, if if if if if..... I have just made myself sick with everything.

And last Sunday during worship I felt God so close to me, surrounding me with His love and securing me in His embrace, silently assuring me that no matter what He will take care of me and love me and never let me go. Not once. Not even to joke around and pretend like He's going to drop me. (yeah, like that's so much fun to anyone but the person who is doing the "joking") All I could do was lift my hands to Him and sing my praise to Him as tears continued to stream down my cheeks with a smile on my face.

P.S. Pray for Amanda. She's stressing out about the wedding more than I am. She's silly like that.


Amanda said...

I really don't think you have to worry about Godzilla wrecking havoc on Clyde. In all of the movies, he always destroying cities by the water. And in case you haven't noticed lately, we live FAR away from the ocean. OH! And there really isn't a Godzilla, so don't worry about it.

Your marriage is going to be great. You are going to the most excellent wife Tony has ever known! Don't worry about Tony ever thinking he made a mistake! Everything is perfect in God's timing!

Francesca said...

Jennifer, sorry I wasn't able to come to your shower. We had a big family outing. But I am looking forward to your wedding, friday.

BTW, you are going to have everything you need to be the kind of wife God intends you to be. I pray blessing and peace over you family and marriage. I pray the kingdom of God would direct every action, word and motive of the heart. You are going to be a beautiful bride and a wonderful wife.


Anonymous said...

I agree with Fran, don't worry just line your thoughts, will and emotions up with what God. I am excited about your wedding I know it will be perfect.
Amanda will be great as well God will bless her so much for her heart

High in Demand said...

I freaked out so bad a couple of days before our wedding. I didn't know one single marriage that had stayed together and was happy. I totally wanted to call the whole thing off...BUT someone wouldn't let me.

Good thing.