Grace Given

I recieved something from God the other day. He is always so En Pointe it's a little bit scary. It's like He can read my mind or something...

Anyway. I have been building up a lot of bad feelings and anger for the last few weeks and I couldn't really figure out why. The situation I was in hadn't really changed, but I just seemed to be dwelling only on the negative things in life. I have been thinking just about stuff that people have done to me that wasn't fair and pretty much just being a big baby about everything. So I was praying about it and asking God to give me a little more grace in this area until I could finally get it all figured out. That's when He whispered in my ear. Here I was wanting some grace while I was not willing to give any to others. I began to see that Grace and Forgiveness go hand-in-hand. God has totally given me TONS of grace even though I certainly do not deserve it and He forgave me. I am made in His image so....

Well, I can't say that I have totally forgiven everyone yet, but I am on my way. It hurts me more than it does "them" (the people I am not forgiving) because I am the one who is picking at my wounds while they have gone on to live their lives. The weird thing about all this is that now that I am letting go, I am finally realizing that I didn't really want what I thought was stolen from me in the beginning.

Totally different subject: I have been having a really hard time with Kalista lately. I definitely need some prayer for stronger maternal instincts instead of I-want-to-strangle-her instincts. Sometimes I think "What in the heck is wrong with her? Why can't she just be normal?" Then I think about how I was when I was about her age, and it ends up my mom's wish came true. Oh, cruel irony!! I have been actively blocking the thought of teenage years. If I think about it too much, I may not make it.

I sure wish I could blog about something more profound...