I gave my practice speech for the BFW last Saturday. I was super nervous before and I was really think that it was horrible the next day when I was thinking back over it. But it turned out that everyone else thought it was actually good. It’s weird to say this, but I felt like I had gotten something lifted off of me while I was talking up there. I had been having a big problem with my faith since I was assigned this talk and while I was working on it. But while I was up there in front of everyone reading the words I barely remembered writing, I just started remembered that old feeling of knowing I am not alone and I know God is real. I began to fall in love all over again. I definitely say that the enemy had been winning a lot of battles in my heart but God won the whole darn war! I just pray that my experience touches at least one woman at the BFW. I also pray that Amanda wont be afraid of being vulnerable. I’ll just be praying for her.
At work, I have been going through some major growth. I think it’s sort of a side effect of my victory in my faith. I am constantly comparing myself to other people who do the same kind of work I do. I would get severely disappointed in myself when I would make a mistake. I would think to myself, “So & So would never do anything like this.” or something along those lines in all other areas in my life. What I am beginning to just realize is that each and every one of those people had to go through many steps to arrive where they are at. They didn’t just pop up one day and are an expert in what they do. Why was it so hard for me to understand that? It seems so simple my kids could get it. I think it’s all about my pride and stubbornness. Pride is so dumb! It gets me into more trouble than almost any other emotion. When I have a problem or don’t understand something, I don’t want to ask for help because I am so afraid to look dumb when I end up doing just that. It’s a big vicious circle people. I wish I could just slap myself around sometimes. Randy (Brandi’s husband) told me an analogy one time that makes a lot of sense: When an apple is growing, it goes through many stages until it is ready to be picked. If it is picked when it is still young, it will taste too sour but that is the way it is supposed to taste at that time because it hasn’t fully matured. I don’t know if that actually made any sense to anyone else… Randy said it a lot better than I did so just ask him to retell it for you. That probably would be easier and less confusing for everyone.
Last week, I had the morning off so I could get some errands done in Abilene. So while I was there I decided to finally update my driver’s license with my new address since I have been living in Clyde for 5 months already. Big mistake! I didn’t have any makeup on and my hair was jacked up from driving around town with the windows rolled down. So in my picture I look like a crack addict with a mullet who is in County Jail (I’m wearing an orange shirt). I have been thinking of when I will have to use my driver’s license; it will be very embarrassing! I think I am gong to have to “lose” this one and take some time off of work to get my hair done, hit the glamour shots at the Mall then immediately go to the DPS office. I am being serious, this is my worst picture yet. My last one was fantastic! I wish I could have just kept that old picture. I wonder if I could just old-school like cut-n-paste it… Is that against the law?
Hhmmmmmm, things to ponder: Possible jail time or better Driver’s License picture? I’ll let everyone know what I decide next time. Maybe I will work up enough nerve to post that picture up here too.