Thursday, July 16, 2009

Contemplation

Just in case anyone doesn't know, marriage is hard. Not like "Oh, this cinderblock is heavy." But more like, "Omg. This boulder is crushing me under its weight" I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me.

My last day at this job is August 7th. I still don't have a new job yet. I had been planning on taking a job in San Angelo with really great pay & benefits, but now there are complications that are preventing me from doing that. I've been applying around Abilene for some jobs so hopefully I'll be getting some calls from them soon. What I want most is to go where God wants me to go. I'm tired of fighting Him and trying to work things out on my own. I've been doing that for most of my life and I'm tired of those results.

I may be overreacting to something but I wanted to see what y'all think. Since we have mostly girls in our family, Xander ends up always having to watch Barbie movies, or princess movies, shows or whatever. Sometimes, when Kalista wants to play dress up and so does Xander, but I don't have any male dress up clothes so he dresses up in my dresses or Kalista's dresses and walks around in my heels with Kalista. Sometimes when I'm putting on my makeup, I'll brush some powder or blush on Kalista, Xander will want some makeup too. Xander also does like to watch boy cartoons like Secret Saturdays, and he likes to play with boy oriented toys. I'm just wondering if I should be worried since he shows so much interest in girl things. Either way, I'll love him no matter what. I think he's precious no matter what.

6 comments:

God's Warrior Bride said...

Boy can I relate with you - when Doug and I first got married, it was like a constant avalanche of bolders, then the small rocks, then bolder, then middle size rock, etc., etc., etc. Marriage is hard no matter what the circumstances. We, you and I, got married with baggage (past hurts, past relationships, children, ...) which only seems to add to the weight of the bolders we sometimes feel. The good news is, it will get better. As long as both of you stay committed to your vows and God, realize your marriage is a covenant not a lease agreement, and purpose in your hearts that divorce is not an option you will make it through. I can not tell you how many times I wanted to cut and run which was my nature, but then I realized that I was running from God and what He was requiring of me for my marriage. Needless to say I had to swallow a lot of pride, eat a lot of crow, turn loose of wanting to be the head, and learn to trust. But through this process, things did get easier, and the bolders got smaller and smaller, and now I am so happy I didn't give up on God or us. I know you can make it, just don't get overwhelmed by the size of the bolders and know that they will soon turn into little pebbles if you just hold on.

As for Xander, he is all boy and I wouldn't worry about anything. If you are worried about him dressing up in girl stuff, you can pick up men things very cheap at garage sales for him to dress up in (like hats, boots, coats, etc.) But you will probably find your daughter will want to dress up in them too. It's just a game and good use of the imagination.

If it makes you feel any better, as teenagers, 2 of my sons dressed up as hookers on Halloween and their girl friend dressed up as the pimp. The boys even wore pantyhose and the girl a suit and mustache. It was hilarious. And yes I still love them.

So don't worry. You are a great mom, a wonderful new bride and a fantatic friend and woman. And I love you

Jennifer said...

Wendy, I really liked everything you said. I'm glad that someone else went through what we're going through and everything turned out okay. I feel like less of a failure. And, honestly, it does make me feel better about your sons dressing up as hookers. lol!!

Amanda said...

I don't think you should worry at all about Xander. He's way into boy stuff too. He just dresses up in girl stuff because A) you only have girl stuff and B) it's fun to dress up. He wants to get in on the fun! He sees you brushing alittle makeup on Kalista and that's a treat. So naturally he wants a treat too. Maybe you could get an extra brush to use on him only. You know like one from dollar tree, this way you can brush "makeup" on him too. There won't actually be any makeup on it, but he'll think he's getting a treat too. Next time I go to a garage sale I'll look for hats and stuff for him to dress up in.

CALL ME MCKEE said...

HEY JENN, WHAT SIZE DOES YOUR SON WEAR?

Jennifer said...

He wears 7 or 8.

trish said...

Yes I can relate- marriage is hard, and child raising is one of the single most difficult jobs a person can do- very sobering to realize the potential to destroy someone's life.
The glass is also half full.
Marriage is beautiful and comforting and passionate and a picture of His relationship with you.
And children are a gift from God that some people can only dream of having the opportunity to place their fingerprint on a creation of God in hopes that the best parts of your gifts will bring out the best parts of their gifts and you can shine like the sun with pride.