Contemplation

Just in case anyone doesn't know, marriage is hard. Not like "Oh, this cinderblock is heavy." But more like, "Omg. This boulder is crushing me under its weight" I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me.

My last day at this job is August 7th. I still don't have a new job yet. I had been planning on taking a job in San Angelo with really great pay & benefits, but now there are complications that are preventing me from doing that. I've been applying around Abilene for some jobs so hopefully I'll be getting some calls from them soon. What I want most is to go where God wants me to go. I'm tired of fighting Him and trying to work things out on my own. I've been doing that for most of my life and I'm tired of those results.

I may be overreacting to something but I wanted to see what y'all think. Since we have mostly girls in our family, Xander ends up always having to watch Barbie movies, or princess movies, shows or whatever. Sometimes, when Kalista wants to play dress up and so does Xander, but I don't have any male dress up clothes so he dresses up in my dresses or Kalista's dresses and walks around in my heels with Kalista. Sometimes when I'm putting on my makeup, I'll brush some powder or blush on Kalista, Xander will want some makeup too. Xander also does like to watch boy cartoons like Secret Saturdays, and he likes to play with boy oriented toys. I'm just wondering if I should be worried since he shows so much interest in girl things. Either way, I'll love him no matter what. I think he's precious no matter what.