Dreams

I've been having dreams of being pregnant for the last couple of weeks. In my dreams I am so happy and full of joy. When I wake up, I feel so sad. Sometimes I'll cry for a few minutes before I get up and shake it off. I don't like to hold babies because it hurts me. I feel stupid saying that I want a baby. I already have two beautiful children and I shouldn't be greedy. There are people with no children at all. I want God to restore my womb. I want to have more children because I'm a good mother. I want to have more children because I love the feeling of being pregnant, of growing something in me that is perfect, innocent, and beautiful. I want to have more children so they can grow up and have children. I want Tony to know what it's like to go through the whole process. He's an amazing father. He deserves the experience of holding his baby in his arms.

I'm just sad today at this moment. Not all the time. I see the goodness in my life. I just don't get to talk about this very much.

Contemplation

Just in case anyone doesn't know, marriage is hard. Not like "Oh, this cinderblock is heavy." But more like, "Omg. This boulder is crushing me under its weight" I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me.

My last day at this job is August 7th. I still don't have a new job yet. I had been planning on taking a job in San Angelo with really great pay & benefits, but now there are complications that are preventing me from doing that. I've been applying around Abilene for some jobs so hopefully I'll be getting some calls from them soon. What I want most is to go where God wants me to go. I'm tired of fighting Him and trying to work things out on my own. I've been doing that for most of my life and I'm tired of those results.

I may be overreacting to something but I wanted to see what y'all think. Since we have mostly girls in our family, Xander ends up always having to watch Barbie movies, or princess movies, shows or whatever. Sometimes, when Kalista wants to play dress up and so does Xander, but I don't have any male dress up clothes so he dresses up in my dresses or Kalista's dresses and walks around in my heels with Kalista. Sometimes when I'm putting on my makeup, I'll brush some powder or blush on Kalista, Xander will want some makeup too. Xander also does like to watch boy cartoons like Secret Saturdays, and he likes to play with boy oriented toys. I'm just wondering if I should be worried since he shows so much interest in girl things. Either way, I'll love him no matter what. I think he's precious no matter what.

And It Continues...

If you've been reading my blog for a while, then you'll remember the ongoing war I have with LifeTouch and my son's school pictures. If not, click here and learn the history behind this battle. I was really hoping that the Spring pictures would turn out better. Xander and I even practiced smiling the morning of the picture day. No such luck. Here is the latest picture that leaves me speechless.

I'm giving up. You win LifeTouch.

Top 10

This is my list of Top 10 Things I Love About Tony (my husband). Today is his birthday. We are the same age for the next 3 weeks.

1. His beautiful blue/green eyes
2. His ability to laugh at himself
3. The father he is to my children
4. His determination to not give up
   
5. His cooking skillz
6. His love for God
7. He doesn't wear pink
8. He married me and all my craziness
9. He likes my crazy hair, makeup, and clothes
10. He let God use him to heal my brokenness
    

I love you Tony. I love you for who you are and who you have been.

8 Things

I can't help it. I'm a sheep.

8 Things I am Looking Forward To:

1. 5 o'clock
2. Friday
3. 5 o'clock Friday
4. Tony's birthday (I got him the most awesome birthday gift)
5. RedLetter Rockfest in Snyder
6. My birthday
7. Tony's graduation (in 2 years)
8. New opportunities

8 Things I wish I Could Do:

1. Be more organized
2. Lead people
3. Buy a house
4. Teach my children how to be confident
5. Give large amounts of money away freely
6. Be fanatic about being healthy
7. Create two more babies in my womb
8. Run a mile without having a stroke

8 shows I'm currently watching:

1. Lost
2. The Office
3. Ugly Betty
4. The Unusuals
5. Grey's Anatomy
6. Pitchmen
7. My Name is Earl
8. Samantha Who?

I will tag No one. I believe forwards and such are from the devil.

Sermon in a Song

Destruction

I'm sure many of you who live in Clyde have driven by the Methodist church and seen what we are up to lately. Here are some pictures of the destruction of the Fellowship Hall and two trees that were in the playground area. I never knew the noises a tree could make before witnessing the tearing down of these 75-year-old trees.























Right now, they are leveling out the ground to make it straight. I'm confused on how they can make the ground is level, but I'm sure there is a way otherwise why would they spend so much time pushing dirt around?

Anyway, I've been identifying with a lot of this construction stuff. The old Fellowship Hall wasn't built on a solid foundation so the structure developed cracks and started shifting. The building was also restricting a lot of the new things we wanted to do. There just wasn't enough room and it wasn't practical for our new ministries. It also just didn't look pretty. There were no windows, only two doors on one side of the building, and had paneling (I shudder every time I think about it.) I'm learning that my heart was not built on a solid foundation so now it's unstable and has lots of cracks (but thank goodness, no paneling). I am entering a season of rebuilding and renewing. Exciting, tough, scary, exhausting, lovely, and more. I am rediscovering my relationship with my true unconditional Father. I am discovering a new love for my husband. My love as a mother for my children has been renewed.

Xander

Xander is my beautiful son. Today is his 7th birthday. He gives me so much insight into things I never would have seen before. He cracks me up constantly.

When I first found out I was pregnant with Xander I was really, really upset. I planned on giving him up for adoption. But now, I cannot possibly imagine my life without him.

Here's my list of Top 10 Xander moments.

10. Xander peeing outside of the Clyde Public Library

9. Xander running from zombies at Golden Corral

8. Xander's schmiarrhea

7. Xander peeing outside of my front door the day we moved in

6. Xander peeing in front of the Methodist church

5. Xander telling Anoe the Lord said to get married

4. Xander picking out all his old shoes to give to his baby nephew

3. Xander showing me how he can make "neck burps"

2. The first time Xander kicked a pole for no reason to show his dominance and manhood

1. Feeling Xander move inside me for the first time and realizing that I made the right choice in keeping him

Happy Birthday Xanadoo!!!

side note: When I told Xander Happy Birthday this morning when I woke him up, his reply was, "Mom, I really know it's my birthday already." in a mildly irritated voice.

Sleeping Beauty

Today after I picked up my children from school, Xander wanted to play in the back of my car. I always keep a blanket back there so he set up a little makeshift bed for himself. After playing for about an hour, he came into my office to get a drink of water.

After he was done, he announced, "Okay, I have to go get my booty rest now."

That little boy cracks me up!!

Any Recommendations?

Since I admitted in front of everyone that my kids are lacking in knowledge in the Bible area, I wanted to ask for advice from other people whose children are not.

What are you doing?

What works to keep them interested and learning at the same time?

What material would you recommend so I can teach them biblical things on their level?

Are there any websites?

What kind of activities help them want to learn about the Bible?

Thanks!

Hairspray Part Two

Since I had a couple of comments from people saying they wanted to go too, I thought I would post a link to find tickets to the show.

Hairspray Tickets Link

It would be so awesome if we could have a whole group of people go. My tickets are for Section MN FLR, Row Q, Seat 8 & 7. Let me know if anyone else is able to go. Maybe we could even dress up as our favorite character. (I wanna be Big, Blonde, & Beautiful)

Bible 101

I have been trying to find ways to teach my children Bible "stuff" lately so when we were eating fish the other night for dinner, I asked both of them "What story in the Bible had a big fish in it?"

Blank stares.

"Okay, do you remember the name of the guy who was eaten by the huge fish? There's a Veggie Tales movie about him."

Kalista pipes right up and says, "Long John Silver!"

I just lowered my head into my hands and prayed for forgiveness. Evidently, I need to step up my efforts in teaching my children the most basics of the Bible.

Hairspray

I am so excited! Almost as excited as I was when NKOTB announced their return and their plans to tour!! I just bought my sister and I tickets to see the critically acclaimed, famously awarded Broadway Musical "Hairspray"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!! I am so ridiculously giddy! So, on February 26th, my sister and I will be among the select few who get to witness this amazing musical live!!!


EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK!!!!

How Many of Me?

I found this website through Air1.com. It's really neat. You enter your name and it shows how many people in the U.S. have the same name as you.

Jennifer: 1,424,583 people

Hernandez: 586,953 people

Jennifer Hernandez: 2,735 people

Jennifer is the 21st most popular first name in America!! Crazy. It also said that 99.9% of the people with the name Jennifer are female. What a coincidence! I'm a female!

www.howmanyofme.com

Smart Car

I've been searching for a car to buy lately. I'm looking for something nice, affordable, and that speaks to my soul.

Until I get there, I want to show you my dream car. This is the car I would buy if money were not an option. Or if I didn't have any children.

You see that sweet ragtop this one has? Yeah, that's not standard.

The Devil is My Pet

Last night while I was washing dishes I could hear Xander yelling at Roscoe, our puppy. Since Roscoe is still a puppy he doesn't mind very well. I wasn't sure what Roscoe was doing to make Xander mad but I wasn't too worried about it because Xander is always getting upset with Roscoe. Roscoe is very much a puppy and loves to chew, chase, romp around, and pretty much terrorize any sock that happens to find itself not put away.

Tony's mom, Lisa, took my children to the World of Wheels exhibition on Sunday after church. I've never been to one so I'm not sure what all is there except for some cool looking cars. While there, Lisa bought Xander an inflatable Spiderman Hammer thing. Why Spiderman would endorse a blow-up hammer is beyond me.

Anyway, Roscoe was attacking Xander's Spiderman Hammer. Xander was trying to get it out of Roscoe's ferociously clawed mouth when it popped. This made Xander go off the deep end. That's when I heard Xander scream at the puppy "YOU'RE THE DEVIL ROSCOE!!!!"

Poor Xander. I had to stop washing dishes because I was laughing so hard. Xander came in with his quickly deflating Spiderman hammer very upset. Tony told him he could fix and put tape over the puncture "wounds" Xander is still a little mad at Roscoe. Hopefully, they'll be able to patch up this little bump in their friendship.



Here's the guilty perpetrator of the heinous crime. (I'm not even sure he can see anything.)

Late Resolutions

Have I ever mentioned that I am a huge procrastinator? Well, I am. That's why I only blog every other blue moon. Anyway. I've been thinking about what resolutions I want to do this year. I'm tired of doing the same old ones like "I want to lose weight" or "I want to be more wise with my money" or "I want to stop buying velcro on the black market"...Just kidding about that last one. Here are some REAL resolutions that I can actually attain. I came up with 9 since it's 2009.

1. I resolute to wear my seat belt every single time I drive anywhere.

2. I resolute to eat out one time less each week.

3. I resolute to teach Xander how to tie his shoes.

4. I resolute to get a plant and not kill it within a month.

5. I resolute to be more active with my children's school work.

6. I resolute to throw away left overs sooner.

7. I resolute to try more "stuff" with my husband.

8. I resolute to buy picture frames for my pictures that are sitting in a box.

9. I resolute to not throat punch anyone this year.

I'm not promising I can keep all of them but I think #9 will probably be my easiest one to keep.

At my job I am responsible for keeping track of attendance and membership. Since the church I work at has an average age of 45-65, we have more funerals than most churches (at least I think). Last year, it seemed we had at least one funeral every month. It was getting kind of weird.

Today I had to take someone off our membership rolls because of death. Usually it doesn't bother me too much because the person isn't someone I know too well. Today I did know the person well. Today we had her funeral at the church. She was such a sweet woman. She was 60 and played the drums for the worship band for the Methodist church. She was just as into Twilight as I am. In fact, she let me borrow the last two books because I couldn't wait for mine to be delivered. She always told the funniest stories that you wouldn't think a 60-year-old woman would tell. She was musically gifted. It seemed like she could play anything sh picked up. I got to see her play the drums, guitar, all kinds of handbells. I learned at her funeral that she once took a belly dancing class.

I miss Susan Black.

Random Picture Time!!!

Okay, I call the next few pictures my "Bored at Work and Have Nothing Better To Do Than Take Pictures of Myself" series. And this is obviously before I dyed my hair dark.





For the last couple of years, the kids and I have not had a Christmas tree. Last year, Kalista drew a picture of a Christmas tree and we taped it to the wall and put our presents underneath it. In fact, it's still there on my wall. I guess I should take it down. Well, I was telling Tony about this and since this is his first Christmas with us, he wanted to get us a real Christmas tree. So that's what he did. And I guess his manly providing instinct kicked in when he went to buy the tree because he bought the biggest dangest tree there. It's crazy huge. I literally have grass stains on my ceiling because it drags against it. Here is a picture of the tree. If you've ever wondered what a Christmas tree on steroids looks like, here it is.


This is the tree after Tony and my children decorated it all. It sure is pretty.

And messy. I call these tree droppings.

This is my brother, Armando, and his son, Mason. You may remember Mason from the picture with Jaxon. The reason they're almost completely naked is they were swimming at my mom's house. But if you look carefully, my brother does have on shorts. Keeping it PG here.
I just think this is a beautiful picture. I love sleeping babies. A couple of months ago, I entered this photo into one of those pretty baby contests. I didn't tell my brother or his wife because I didn't think he would really win. I mean, there were like over 5,000 photos submitted. Anyway, it ended up Mason did win. Not first place, but like in the top 25. Well, the company wanted to print Mason's picture in a book they were publishing but they needed permission to do it. So then I had to tell my brother and sister-in-law that I had submitted their baby's photo into a contest without asking. They took it pretty okay I think. I'm sure they'll let me in the same room as their son Christmas 2009.



This is the puppy that my children's father gave them for Christmas. Isn't he so sweet to give them something that can't control its own bowels, smells like sweat, and loves to chew on everything? Yes, so sweet of him. I'm praying for a forgiving heart this Christmas.



I took this picture of Xander when we went to the donut shop one morning and he was in an extra good mood. He absolutely loves his Ben 10 toy too. Can you tell?
Here, he isn't in such a good mood. He was very sick and had to stay home from school for a couple of days. He gets to sleep in our bed when his temperature is above 101. I have strict rules.

Merry Christmas everybody!!

Letters to Santa

Last year I told the kids Santa isn't real. They both took it okay and didn't make a big deal out of it. Well, when Christmas started getting closer Xander told me that he knows Santa is real and he believes in him. I tried to tell him that there is no Santa but he wouldn't believe me. Kind of weird. It's usually the other way around.

I've asked both of the kids to make a Christmas list. Kalista was quick to list about 10 things she wanted but Xander didn't want to write down anything. He said that he already told Santa what he wanted so he didn't need to tell him again... Um, well, I still need to know. No matter how much I tried to get him to tell us what he wanted he stayed firm that Santa already knew.

Every year around Christmas time, the Clyde Elementary students write letters to Santa and then the letters get published in the newspaper. Xander didn't want to write one because he thought it was a waste of time. Kalista didn't want to write one because she knows Santa isn't real and thought it would be lying to write a letter. I finally gave up on Xander and told Kalista to just think of it as writing a Christmas letter to Jesus. That finally convinced her.

Today, I got to see what she wrote in her letter. Here it is (misspellings are intentional):

Dear Santa,

I Kalista K want Santa to heal Miles Wilson. Also, I would enjoy Santa to bring food and blankets for the hungry and cold. As for me, and easybake oven would be cool. A furry "Big Littlest Pet Shop" and Polly Pockets will fill me with joy. I also want to sport the new Hannah Montana gear and toys. Also in style is Tinkerbell clothing and shoes. I love to wear what is in style while enjoying sounds from a beautiful music box. I would like to spen my Christmas break watching the Tinkerbell movie and listening to cool CD's on my new Camprock Disc Player. It'll be awesome when you bring me these gifts. Thanks for last year. I know this one will be awesome.

Love, Kalista


I have to say, my little girl is unique.

New Hair

Today I went to get a couple of inches of dead and split ends trimmed off. Along with the trim, I did this:
I'm still not use to it. It's really dark and the bangs look funny on my face I think. What do you think???

(The first thing I thought was "I look like Ugly Betty." Which isn't bad because I love Ugly Betty.)






Confirmation: When Xander walked into my office, he said, "Momma, you're so pretty!" I told him thank you and said that I looked like a lady on t.v. I asked him which lady. He said, "The lady with the glasses." Then Anoe helped by saying, "Yeah! Ugly Betty!" So there you go. Confirmation that I'm not the only one who thinks I look like Ugly Betty.

Refund Please

The kids came home with their school pictures last week. I love school pictures. They're so convenient! I don't have to do anything except remember to dress them halfway decent and send some money with the kids to school. The part I don't like is that those pictures have gotten so dang expensive. Like ridiculous expensive. But they're usually worth it because the people taking the pictures are "professionals" or at least supposed to be.

LifeTouch is the company who does Clyde's school district's pictures so we don't really get a choice but to buy the pictures from them. Here is Xander's Pre-K school picture:
Isn't he absolutely adorable?! Now, I love the background in this picture. I think it goes great with his shirt and it looks outdoorsy; perfect for a little boy. He also has a great smile on his face. Not too much, but just enough where it doesn't look like a driver's license picture. Beautiful!

Okay, next year not so much. Now, I think my son is the most beautiful little boy ever at all times. And I thought there was no way he could look anything but adorable. But, evidently, LifeTouch found a way. This is Xander's Kindergarten school picture; or what we call around my house, Exhibit A:
I want to know what the heck happened here! I see that they went with the outdoorsy background again. But because the background blends with my son's hair, his head seems to be cone-shaped. I don't even know what to say about the grimace (yes, grimace. that's the closest word that can describe it) on his face. If a stranger were to see this photo, they might think Xander is some kind of growling wolf-boy. I wondered why the photographer did not do a retake. I also wondered why I didn't get a proof so that I would know better than to pay $30 for this debacle. When he brought this picture home, I just prayed that next year would improve.

Well, it didn't. Here's Exhibit B:
Again, why didn't they do a retake?! I know that all those pictures are taken with a digital camera. And why did they choose a blue background when he's wearing a blue shirt?? Did they wait til the exact moment when he was making a weird face that makes him look like he has a face defect???

Okay, LifeTouch, you are officially on My List. It's not a good list. It's a list of people who I want to break their kneecaps. Seriously! C'mon! What kind of photographer takes these pictures? And then makes a parent pay almost $40 for them!!!!!! Extortion, I say, extortion!!

Anyway, I'm obviously really upset about this. I just hate that I'm spending money on things that I will never, ever show to anyone because I am so embarrassed of them (except here to show as proof of the inexcusableness of the photos). These pictures just do not do my son's beautiful face justice. I'm currently lodging complaints with LifeTouch and demanding a refund.